The Inevitable
by McShip
Summary: Maddison angst. First time so constructive criticism much appreciated. WARNING: Character deaths, little smut and I mean LITTLE! and some strong language. I don't usually like to cuss. lol Completed. :D
1. Part I: The Unexpected

**The Inevitable**

**Part I: The Unexpected**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice.

**A/N**: Maddison angst. Constructive criticism much appreciated. Oneshot, first time. This is set in two parts. Set a year after the crossover plus flashbacks. Mainly about Mark. WARNING: Character death and strong coarse language. Enjoy.

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You're sitting in the Emerald City Bar in Seattle. It's been a year since the incident. A year since you last made love to the woman who opened your eyes, again. You're half passed out on the counter. You've had countless one night stands over the course of the year but none of them have been able to make you feel like Addison Forbes Montgomery made you feel. The one thing that you count on is getting drunk. You've had a dozen shots and maybe four scotches.

"Dr. Sloan?" the bartender, Joe, asked.

"'M 'kay, Joe," you slur your words, trying to get up. You see that your glass is almost empty. You down the rest and ask Joe for some more.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Dr. Sloan. Getting drunk won't help you, you know." Good old Joe, you thought. You shove the glass in front of his face. "Okay. You're gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow morning." He refills it and you think about what had happened last year.

________________________

_Flashback, one year ago..._

_You are sulking around the hospital, staring at nurses asses, trying to pick which one you'll fuck next. You feel your pager buzz, saying to go to the nearest nurse's station. You walk there, Nurse Tyler looking up. He gives you the phone._

_"Hello?" you ask._

_"Is this Dr. Mark Sloan?" a voice asks. A familiar voice, one that you heard one time, when you visited L.A._

_"Yes, it is. Who's calling?"_

_"Hi, this is Dell. I work at Oceanside Wellness Center as the receptionist. Addison Forbes Montgomery was my coworker." Your heart skips a beat as he says that name. _Addie_._

_You notice he says was instead of is. "Why are you calling?"_

_"Dr. Montgomery commited suicide yesterday and," You lean against the counter, your legs not enough to support your weight as they turned to jelly, "You are the last person to see her and the police are looking over to see why she commited suicide. She didn't leave a note, you see." You rub the back of your neck. You pace back and forth, trying to wrap your head around it. "Are you still there, Dr. Sloan?"_

_"I am. Do you want me to come down to L.A.?" _

_"Yes, sir. We are hoping you would do that."_

_"I'll get on the next plane out to L.A. Is there going to be a funeral?"_

_"Yes. I suggest you tell her family, friends, and loved ones to come down to L.A."_

_"Thank you, Dell. I'll see you soon."_

_"Goodbye, Dr. Sloan." You hang up. Your hand is shaking as you pass it to Nurse Tyler. You take steady steps, not towards an O.R. or a patient room. You take steps to a closet or an on-call room, somewhere private. _

_You find one. You close the door and slam your fist in it. You feel pain and that's what you needed. You punch it over and over again until your hand bleeds. Then, you switch over to the next one. You punch the door until your hand bleeds. You feel yourself shaking, tears streaming down your face, an unfamiliar feeling. You fall down slowly, sobbing uncontrollably, the pain too great for words._

_"Who's in here?" someone asks as they open the door. You look up and see Callie. She rushes over and hugs you but you try to push her away. "Stop fighting this, Mark!" she yells. You stop fighting and she hugs you. She looks at your hands and gently picks one up. "Oh, Mark. What happened?" You didn't want to say the words. They were too painful to even think about. You sob harder, Callie staying there, trying to get you to calm down. A few minutes pass, the tears stopping along with your body. Callie lets go of you._

_"Thank you," you choke out._

_"You'll need stitches on your hands," she says. You stand up gently and you follow her out to the nearest abandoned hospital bed. You sit down as she goes to get a suture kit. She comes back and you don't say a word._

_"What happened?" she asks as she finishes up on your left hand and she goes to the right._

_"My life's fucking fucked up to shit," you reply bitterly. You look up at her and say, "Everyone needs to come down to L.A. for Addie's fucking funeral." Callie looks at you abruptly. You stare at her, feeling your body shake again, feeling your heart take in the pain it's feeling. You fight the tears as best you can._

_"You're done," Callie says. She puts bandages on your knuckles, wiping a tear here and there from her eyes. "Are you going to tell the Chief?"_

_"I have to."_

_"I'll go with you," Callie gently takes your hand and squeezes it. You let go and walk solemnly over to the chief's office. You don't bother to knock, you just step inside, sitting on the chair in front of him._

_"What brings you here Dr, Sloan?" Richard asks._

_"Addie's dead. She commited suicide. We need to go down to L.A. to attend her funeral. I suggest you tell everyone." You get up and walk out, the pain coming back everytime you think about her. _

_The next day, you're in L.A. You don't enjoy the sun, you don't enjoy the surf, you don't enjoy the waves. You prepared a speech at her eulogy, Callie with you. You asked for her because you don't know if you could handle writing down everything about Addison that makes her wonderful. She stands next to you as you stand, speaking praise about the woman you once loved._

_"Addison Forbes Montgomery. She was always been a wonderful person. She used to save the lives of babies as a neonatal surgeon." You stop, staring at the paper. You crumple it up and you stare at everyone. "Addie was the love of my life. I've fallen in love with another girl, she's amazing, but she wasn't Addison." You shake your head. "Addie has always known me as the manwhore, picking up girls for one night and sneaking out the next morning. But with her, I stopped for a moment and took it all in. Derek," you look towards your best friend, "I've been in love with Addison since before you guys were married. You had already taken her so I became her best friend." You chuckle. "Everyone here should be greatful to have even met Addison. She was funny and so beautiful and I'm glad to have fallen in love with her." You heart warms. You go back to your seat, smiling. No one smiles at funerals. You smile because you don't want to feel the pain again. _

_The funeral was somber. You kiss Addison on the cheek and whisper 'I love you' before they bury her. _

_The funeral is over and you drive to the hotel but take a detour to somewhere else. __You were set to go back to Seattle the next day. You go to the practice and go straight to Addison's room. A blonde haired guy is packing Addie's things up. The guy, who you assumed, was Dell._

_Dell stops packing stuff and looks at you. "Are you Dr. Sloan?" You nod. "The police will be here. I'm glad you came. Um..." he takes something out of his pocket and hands it to you. "She jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and we found this next to where she jumped." You take it. It's a picture of you and Addie, in New York, smiling in Central Park. He had remembered that day. You took the picture right after you said 'I love you' for the first time to her. The picture was folded more times than you could count. You imagine her on the bridge, clutching the photo and then jumping._

_"Isn't this like evidence or something?" you ask. Dell shook his head and you put smash it into your pocket. The cops come in and ask you questions. You don't remember what you said, the picture in your pocket the only thing on your mind. They say goodbye and your on your way to the parking lot. You start your car and wait for it to warm up. You pull the picture from your pocket and set it on the dashboard. You smile and tears fall down your face. You drive back to the hotel. You sleep and dream of Addison but you wake up not wanting to see her when you know it really isn't her. _

_The next morning, you go back to Seattle and you get drunk and you pick up a random girl and you fuck her and you try to forget about Addison. But that was your problem, you couldn't forget Addison. The girl under you was not her and you quickly get up and put on your clothes._

_"What the fuck, asshole?! You don't want to get fucked?!" she asked, obviously pissed. You ignore her and slam the door on your way out. You go back to Joe's and you get drunk, again._

End of flashback...

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Review please.


	2. Part II: What Made This Pain?

**Part II: What Made This Pain?**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice.

**A/N**: Wow. I reread it and I think I'm mentally insane. (head turns all the way [add evil laugh here]) Well thank you for the review. So, nevermind of the two parts! It's going to be three. I just thought about it right now. Haha. So, this chapter is all about Addison and her suicide. Enjoy. (add evil laugh here)

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Why are you standing here? Why are you clutching that old photo like it's a fucking life vest? It's because of Mark, isn't it? It's because of the dream that was shattered and you don't want to go on. You've taken too much pain.

But you still love him, don't you?

So why your standing on the Golden Gate Bridge when you could be in his arms, hugging you in a warm embrace?

_Flashback, eleven weeks ago..._

_You can't seem to shake it. You thought that you had feelings for Sam. You do but it wasn't the feelings you had for Mark. You _have _for Mark. You talk to Mark after another mind-blowing session of sex._

_"Ask me that question again," you ask, something in your voice indicating that you want him to stay. To stay with you. To miraculously make a baby with you. Two eggs is better than no eggs._

_"I'm so sorry, Addie," Mark says to you in bed. He's going to back to that fucking Grey girl. That preschooler. But you don't feel anger in that moment. You feel sadness. You lie back down on your pillow, your feet facing somewhat to him. If he wasn't there, would you have cried until you had no more tears left to shed?_

_The next day, Mark is packing his stuff to go back to Seattle. He made coffee and breakfast. You forgot that he had amazing cooking skills under his exterior. You eat the pancakes. You say farewell to the man that made your life just a tiny bit brighter. And you ignore the pain that slices your heart in half._

_A few weeks go by. You get five pregnancy tests, a blood test, and an ultrasound, you find out you're pregnant. You noticed the symptoms before hand. You had been throwing up and eating marshmallows with cheese. But you're ecstatic! You leap for joy! And you silently thank Mark._

_You try to call him. But you can't. He's probably back with that Grey girl and he won't be able to rescue you right now. You take a chance. You dial the number and you hear his voice again._

_"Addison?" he asks._

_"Hey, Mark," you say. "I think you need to come down to L.A. Because..." You take a deep breath. "I'm pregnant, Mark." He says nothing and your worried as hell._

_"You're pregnant?" he asks._

_"Yes, I am, Mark." You're saying his name way too much, you notice. What do you think it means? He hangs up the phone. You're scared. What if he doesn't want to come? What if he can't rescue you now? You clutch your phone, crying, out of anger._

_The next day, when you went into work, a man was waiting for in the lobby. _

_"Mark?" you ask him, his hair gray ever so slightly._

_"Hey, Addison," he gets up and hugs you. You notice he does it gently. You smile. "Can I see the baby?" he whispers into your ear. Your smile grows wider. _

_"We're going to have to go to the hospital," you say. You go to the elevator and go down. On your way out, he holds your hand. He held it a few times back in New York and you noticed you missed the feeling. _

_You drive down to St. Ambrose. You get an ultrasound. You print out a picture for him. You joke and give the baby a nickname, Jellybean. You go back to the practice with him._

_Mark insisted on you taking the day off to spend the day with him. You don't argue this time because you realized you missed spending time with him. You spend the day together, laughing and eating and enjoying each other. But something in the back of your mind says that this is wrong. You eat lunch with him in a cafe._

_"What about Lexie?" you ask, actually saying her name instead of Grey or preschooler. You say her name because of sympathy, because you thought that you were going to steal her boyfriend right from under her._

_"We're over. We were over before what happened two and a half months ago. Us making love," he says. You smile because he said, "making love." One of the times when he was here, it was gentle, oh so very gentle. _

_"Mark Sloan, saying making love. Hm..." you laugh. He laughs right with you. After the day, you're tired. He holds you while you sleep together._

_"I love you," he whispers in your ear. You bite your lip and say it too._

_"I love you, too." He kisses your red hair and says goodnight and you sleep peacefully._

_The next day, he cooks pancakes. You eat together, Mark is filling you in on what has happened while you have been gone. Eight weeks doesn't seem so long but he tells you of things that seem surprising to you. The day you had told him you were pregnant, Callie had told him to move on and he had asked out Teddy, the new cardio God._

_"You just gave me my wish, Addie. A family," he says. He kisses you goodbye and you drive him to the airport. He had taken a taxi to the practice and had no other vehicles. You drop him off and you he looks at you one last time before he goes inside. _

_It happens in an instant. You're driving down the freeway and you almost crash into the car in front of you. You hit the brakes and miraculously, you're baby is well. You hear a car speeding in the background, The car crashes into the back of your car with full force and your body crashes into the airbag. You felt that your world was shattering as a pain settled into your stomach. You closed your eyes and then open them again to see light and doctors and you're being wheeled into an O.R. You're vision becomes fuzzy and you fall asleep. And then you wake up in a hospital room and a doctor comes in._

_He walks towards you says, "We did work on your stomach. Did you know that you were pregnant?"_

_You nod and say, "I'm ten weeks." _

_"I'm sorry but--" your tears cut him off from saying it. Your miracle is gone. He finishes his sentence anyway. "You miscarried. I'm very sorry." He turns around and leaves. You're in the hospital for a few days, they take out the baby, and then they send you off. You're distant from everyone. You don't talk to anyone for a few days. Then, a week after you miscarried, you take a taxi to the airport and you fly to San Francisco._

_End of flashback..._

You felt that you world had ended when your baby ended. It was a beautiful night in San Francisco. You let go of the picture you were holding. You lean against the rail and then climb it. You stand on it, your face towards the water. Then, you try to walk on it. You slipped and you fell into the water. You didn't really care. Your life had already ended, hadn't it?

But then you started regretting it. But it was too late. You were already falling. Before you landed in the water you screamed someone's name, the man you love. He had given you a ring when you talked that day at the cafe. You were going to say yes. And then, your world went black and you were unconscious.

"MARK!" The world is not still anymore. The police and ambulances try to rescue you but it was too late.

You had already died.

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Review please.


	3. Part III: Together Forever

**Part III: Together Forever**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice. Oh and I don't own the poem I put in this part.

**A/N**: Emo Alex has come at the right time. I have this dark side to me that I close off from visitors. Let's take a peek at her enviroment.

Back to Mark's POV. Oh, a little smut, just like two or three sentences. Oh, and I know nothing! of ferry boats. Whatever. Enjoy the last part! At your own costs. (insert evil laugh here)

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You are seriously fucked up and so drunk out of your mind you don't know where you're going. But do you really care? It's not like if you get hurt it's going to cause you pain. You've already had the worst pain of your life... in your heart. When Addison died, you shriveled up back to your manwhore self, you refused to be a human being with feelings again. Addison made you feel the one feeling you never thought you would have... love. But now she's gone and you don't know what to do with yourself anymore. Maybe giving girls sex is the best thing you can do.

You feel like the only good thing you're good at anymore is fucking. Dirty, fast, and not knowing the girls' name. Maybe in the bar bathroom maybe in the car, maybe even at her place. You don't care as long as you try to have sex with as many girls. Blondes, brunettes, girls with jet black hair but never a redhead. Sometimes, after, the both of you panting for breath, covered in sex and sweat, you forget about Addison. But its the nightmares that take hold of you. It's the same one everytime. She's standing on the rail of the Golden Gate Bridge and flashes you the 'fuck you' finger and jumps, laughing. You wake sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes you laugh and sometimes you cry but Addison is always on your mind.

You try to talk to your therapist but that doesn't work, not at all. Callie tries to comfort you but that doesn't work, either. All you could think about is being with her.

You slap a fifty on the counter and you walk like a fucking zombie out of the bar. You can't see straight but you head towards the pier. The night is beautiful. It's a clear night with a full moon and stars twinkling. You can't enjoy it. You can't enjoy it without that beautiful redhead by your side, pointing out the constellations. The Milky Way, perhaps. A brisk cold wind passes your already freezing body and you put on your leather gloves.

You see the lights of the ferryboats, something you haven't been on for a while. You walk faster, trying to get to your destination for the next boat. You trip here and there, the alcohol invading your mind. After twenty minutes, you walk on the pier and go to the tollbooth.

"How many tickets?" the kind man at the booth asks.

"Only one," you reply back. Your pretty sure the man can smell the alcohol on your breath but he says nothing and gives you the ticket anyway and you pay. _I'm fucking alone_, you think. You climb on board the boat and you remember one of the encounters you had with Addison.

There was no talking at first but you saw her throwing her rings into the sea. Her wedding ring and her engagement ring. You think about the time when you were helping Derek choose one. You stepped forward and talked, and talked of 'who's life sucks the most.' You don't know who won because you couldn't control yourself. You found yourself kissing her with passion, pushing her up against the rail. You break the kiss quickly, mumble an apology and walk towards another part of the boat. Addison follows you. As you walk off the boat, she still follows you. At the hotel, she rides the same elevator and goes on the same floor, although it's her floor, too. She follows you into your room and pushes you up against a wall and kisses you, licking at your lips for entrance. You stop her, with all your force you stop her. You grab her arms but lust overtakes you and _you _push _her_ against the wall. Soon, you're on top of her, or was she on top of you?, and you thrust inside of her, making both of you moan and scream each others name. The thrusts you were slow but firm, what someone might call 'making love.' You give one final thrust and you both come at the same time, and you ride the wave of pleasure and you mumble her name against her neck. You collapse on her side and you both laugh. She said you were amazing. You say that right back.

You come back into reality and you look up at the moon. You felt a rush of emotion and tears fall onto your leather gloves. You were leaning against the rail, for two reasons. One, two look out to Seattle more and two, to hold you upright since you're so fucked up. You look down in the waters near the ferryboat. The water slaps onto the boat, a rhythmic sound that you find comforting.

The next thing you know, you are climbing the rail and standing on top of it, holding your arms out, feeling the wind on you. Then you slip.

_Oops_, you think. You fall down and down and down and down. You look up at the lights of the ferry boat and you smile. The water knocks you unconscious and you don't bother to breathe at all.

You remember a poem that you heard but you don't know where it's from. You replayed it in your head.

_I'm trying not to love you..._  
_I'm trying not to care..._  
_I'm trying not to live my life wishing you were there..._  
_I'm trying not to wonder where you are or what you do..._  
_I'm sorry I can't help myself..._  
_I fell in love with you._

You see a light and you also see red. You walk towards it, smiling, happy, happier than you had been a year ago.

"Hey, Mark," Addison said to you.

"Hey, Addie," you kiss her on her lips.

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Maddison fluff in the end. (smiles) The poem I found on the internet on YouTube. I do not know who the author was but kudos to you! Whoever you are. It's amazing. Review please.


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